Legally Blonde I & II (Movies, 2001 & 2003)

Posted by T on February 21, 2009
By Title, Movies

A minor criticism can first be mentioned: the name of the heroine is unfortunate. “Elle” looks cute in print, but auditorily it sounds like the letter “L” — like some British intellectual going by his first initial — and, as those that have studied a day of French know, it simply means “she.” That is not a respectable or meaningful name: it is simply faux-chic. Parents that got the impulse to name their baby daughter as a result of this movie should go down to City Hall and change it to something decent right now.

To understand the function of the title concept as well as what they do with it, it is necessary to recall the function of the Blonde as a cultural symbol. Fortunately, the dishonest “dumb blonde” stereotype is punctured by the film itself in a shopping scene. Instead, the Blonde here functions as the character-type of someone that is not only smart, but open, benevolent, happy, gregarious, honest, polite, hard-working — in short, everything that is to admire about the Aryan (except the here-absent spirituality and reserve). But those very qualities lead to vulnerability when surrounded by hostile forces. It is interesting that German blauäugig, literally “blue-eyed,” has the figurative meaning naive, gullible. The “dumb blonde” taunt of swarthy competitors is, ganz typisch, accepted and appropriated by Blondes with naive happiness: “Yes, we are dumb, but we have more fun!” they gush, never suspecting in their open-hearted way that they are actually also smarter than their envious oppressors.

Oh yes, the plot. Let’s see… pretty Hollywood sorority-girl (Reese Witherspoon) is dumped by boyfriend (Matthew Davis) before he heads off to Harvard Law. To win him back she studies up and goes there herself. At first rejected by all as a silly bimbette, she hunkers down and becomes the class star. She then spurns the former boyfriend and dates someone else.

The pivot of destiny is worth giving a little discussion to, as it shows good (in the form of trustworthiness) providentially triumphing over evil. The stage for Elle’s ascendancy is set by the insidious intentions of one of the professors, whose unclean motivation leads to putting Elle on a criminal defense team. It “just happens” that the defendant Brooke (Ali Larter) is another sorority gal of Elle’s. She will confide only to Elle (and the reason tricks a chuckle). The confidence leads to breakthroughs that serve her well, leading to a reversal of honor with the Lawyer like that of Haman and Mordechai.

Unfortunately, lots of evil threads must also be listed. “The Bible” is Cosmopolitan magazine. Elle identifies both herself and her dog-idol as “Gemini.” And as is now inevitable, the judge is, of course, a judgette, and a two-fer at that: a Negress. At the trial dénouement (1:27) is a triplet of crying out God’s name in public, which for material girls seems to be something as casual as coughing. The most important thing is “to have faith in yourself” (1:30). Numerous obscenities are planted as acceptable girl talk.

Sometimes the obscenity has a deeply subversive and demoralizing effect. Brooke’s husband was 36 years older than she, supplying a sheaf of motives for her to have killed him, as the lawyer points out. But she “loved” him, Brooke says, and would not have killed him. But why does she love him? Because he is [obscenity deleted] physically well-endowed. So she wouldn’t have killed him. So much for love. So much for “in sickness and in health.”

Barth is supposed to have said that there is only one story — that every story is a retelling of Christ.  But enter Hollywood: the “happy ending” for Elle is the repudiation of what her blauäugig character-type represents. In this story, there is no possibility of redemption or forgiveness: all is now power-grab and vengeance. I am not suggesting that revenge tales are necessarily evil. The Dirty Harry episode Sudden Impact is, I think, an excellent tale of vengeance. The desire for vengeance reflects something of the justice of God, even if we are not to take it into our own hands. There is something amiss, however, in the vengeance of this story. It is interlaced with selfish feminism, girl-manipulation, and race betrayal. The WASP male Warner is dumped viciously and the audience is encouraged to join the lynching with these words: “Vivian [also] dumped Warner. She and Elle are now best friends. Warner graduated without honors, without a girlfriend and without any job offers.” Her reason for dumping Warner —  to dedicate herself to becoming a law partner by age 30 —  is at least as ridiculous as his had been in dumping her. Feminist symmetry is imposed, without hope of redemption.

Simply cutting off men completely would be unappealing to young women, so they set her up with a more supportive and politically plugged-in “hunk” (Luke Wilson), who (the omniscient narrative informs us) is going to propose tonight. His name is Emmett — which sounds similar to the word put on the forehead of the golem to bring it to life and impose power against the goyim. At any rate, the film is clearly a telling of the jewish counterfeit story of godless power-seeking, profanity, and revenge. Who needs the golem any more? Sneering and cackling, we are a jewish nation now. Blonde shicksa, after converting to the degraded ways of her new controllers, is held out as their prize even as her masculine counterpart is dispossessed.

Legally Blonde 2: Red White and Blonde (2003)

If the first was evil in the standard Hollywood-jewish way, this one ups the ante even farther but without even so much compensation as a slightly interesting main idea.

There are additional insults. Right at the beginning, the meme is implanted for beautiful shikse that, if they are not one of the few chosen for the law profession, they  should not shun such outlets as becoming a Playmate. Homosexual memes are laced throughout. The closest Elle comes to prayer in the entire sequence is when she stands in the Lincoln Temple and addresses his statue. (God’s name is indeed continually invoked, but casually, vainly.) The Congressional interns perform a nigger-dance. Elle takes the wheel as they drive from the wedding. The only honest moment in the whole film is that she does not wear white at her wedding.

You will be embarrassed to have wasted even five minutes with this one.

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